I wish I could say I’ve always had a healthy relationship with money. That I grew up understanding it, managing it with grace, and saving it like a pro. But the truth? My money mindset has been a rocky road—one filled with guilt, anxiety, confusion, and more “I’ll deal with it later” moments than I care to admit.
Now, as I try to build a life that feels financially stable and emotionally balanced, I’ve realized that money is more than just numbers in a bank account. It’s deeply tied to how I see myself, my self-worth, my past, and my future. It’s mental, emotional, and personal. And building a healthier mindset around money isn’t just about budgeting apps and spreadsheets (though they help); it’s about untangling years of habits, beliefs, and fears.
So here’s a little window into how I’m trying—and often struggling—to build a healthier money mindset. No filters, no “I’ve got it all figured out.” Just honest thoughts from someone in the middle of the process.
Step One: Understanding Where It All Came From
One of the biggest shifts in my journey started when I paused and asked myself: Why do I think about money the way I do?
For me, it goes back to childhood. I didn’t grow up wealthy, and money was often tight. I remember hearing things like “We can’t afford that” or “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” Those sayings stick. They shaped my idea that money was always something to be stressed about, to hoard, to fear losing.
Even as I started earning my own income, I carried those beliefs with me. I felt guilty spending money on anything that wasn’t “essential,” even if I could afford it. I worried constantly about the future, and sometimes avoided checking my account because I didn’t want to deal with the anxiety.
Realizing that my mindset came from past experiences helped me start separating then from now. I’m not that kid anymore, and my financial reality today is different. But my brain didn’t get that memo right away.
Step Two: Redefining What “Healthy” Means
There are so many voices out there telling us what a healthy money mindset looks like. Some say it means being debt-free. Others say it’s about investing early and aggressively. Some focus on minimalism, while others preach about abundance and manifestation.
Honestly, it gets overwhelming.
At one point, I tried to follow everything. I tracked every penny. I meal-prepped religiously to save money. I watched personal finance YouTube videos late into the night. But eventually, I burned out. I was treating money like a new diet—strict, rule-based, and punishing.
Now, I’m trying to define what healthy looks like for me. Right now, that means:
- Spending intentionally, not fearfully
- Saving regularly, even if it’s a small amount
- Being aware of my numbers without obsessing
- Allowing myself to enjoy life, too
It’s not perfect, and it changes as my life changes. But just knowing that I don’t have to follow someone else’s version of “financial health” has been freeing.
Step Three: Learning to Talk About Money
This one has been tough. For a long time, I avoided money conversations like the plague. I didn’t want to admit I didn’t know everything. I didn’t want to talk about my debt. I didn’t want to be judged.
But money is something we all deal with, and keeping it in the shadows only makes it scarier.
I started small—texting a friend to ask how they budget. Sharing with my partner that I was feeling anxious about a big expense. Reading stories from others who’ve struggled, too. Each time, it got a little easier. And every honest conversation reminded me: I’m not alone in this.
I’ve learned that shame thrives in silence. But when you talk about money with people you trust, you open the door for support, ideas, and even healing.
Step Four: Making Mistakes Without Beating Myself Up
Let me be real: I still mess up. I overspend sometimes. I forget to check my budget. I fall into comparison traps, especially when I scroll through social media and see people taking luxury vacations or buying their dream homes.
But I’m trying to respond to those moments with compassion instead of criticism.
In the past, a financial mistake would send me into a shame spiral. I’d beat myself up and then avoid money altogether for a while. Now, I try to pause and say, “Okay, that wasn’t ideal. What can I learn from this?” It’s not always easy, but it’s healthier.
I remind myself that building a new mindset is like building a muscle. It takes reps. It takes patience. And it’s okay to stumble as long as you keep getting back up.
Step Five: Letting Go of Scarcity (Little by Little)
Scarcity mindset is sneaky. Even when things are okay financially, I sometimes catch myself thinking, What if it all disappears tomorrow? or I should save this because I might not get another chance.
That mindset can lead to hoarding, over-saving (yes, that’s a thing), and never enjoying the money you work hard to earn. It’s a mindset rooted in fear, not freedom.
So lately, I’ve been practicing letting go—bit by bit. That might mean treating myself to a coffee without guilt. Or donating to a cause I care about. Or booking a trip that feels meaningful.
Each time I choose generosity or trust over fear, I chip away at that scarcity wall. And I remind myself that money is a tool to live, not something to worship or fear.
Step Six: Celebrating the Small Wins
When you’re trying to change a deeply rooted mindset, progress can feel slow. But I’ve learned the importance of celebrating the little wins.
Maybe it’s paying off a small debt. Or choosing not to impulse-buy something I don’t need. Or finally having a month where I stuck to my budget. Those wins matter. They build confidence. They reinforce the belief that I can do this.
One thing that’s helped me is journaling those moments. I jot down how I felt, what worked, and what I want to remember. It’s like creating a positive feedback loop that keeps me going when things get hard.
Step Seven: Finding Balance in the Long Game
Money isn’t something you “figure out” once and for all. Life keeps changing—jobs, health, relationships, priorities—and so does how we interact with money.
Right now, I’m trying to focus on balance. That means saving for the future and enjoying the present. It means setting financial goals without tying my worth to them. It means giving myself permission to grow slowly, to learn, to change.
Some days, I feel like I’ve made real progress. Other days, I feel like I’m starting from scratch. But I keep going.
Because I know that building a healthy money mindset isn’t about perfection. It’s about intention. It’s about choosing, day by day, to treat myself with kindness, stay curious, and keep moving forward—even if it’s just a little at a time.
Why This Matters So Much
Money affects so many parts of our lives—our choices, our relationships, our stress levels, our freedom. And yet, we’re rarely taught how to have a healthy mindset around it.
If you’re like me, maybe you’ve felt behind. Or ashamed. Or confused. Maybe you’ve made mistakes or wish you’d started earlier.
But here’s the thing: it’s never too late to shift how you think about money. It’s never too late to decide that you want a better, kinder, more empowering relationship with it.
It’s not easy. It’s not linear. But it is worth it.
So if you’re in the messy middle like I am—trying, stumbling, learning—know that you’re not alone. Every step you take, no matter how small, is a step toward freedom. Toward peace. Toward a life where money supports you, not stresses you.
And that? That’s a mindset worth building.
Ayerhs Magazine 