I used to think that adulthood came with some kind of manual. Like, one day you’d wake up, the clouds would part, and the universe would whisper in your ear: “Okay, you’ve officially arrived. Here’s how to do everything right from now on.”
But that day never came.
Instead, here I am—at an age I once thought was “grown-up”—and surprise: there’s still so much I haven’t figured out. And it’s not just me. The more I talk to people, the more I realize we’re all kind of winging it. So here’s a list of things I genuinely thought I’d have figured out by now…but don’t.
1. What I Want to Do With My Life
Let’s start with the big one.
When I was younger, I thought by this age I’d have a clear, neon-sign-style answer to the question: “What do you want to do with your life?” Something solid. Something inspiring. Something that could be summarized neatly in a sentence or a job title.
But no. I still ask myself that question all the time. And the answer changes. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting closer. Other days, it feels like I’m starting over.
I’ve come to realize that this isn’t necessarily a failure. Maybe it’s just how life is. We grow. We evolve. Our desires shift. And maybe the real issue is expecting the answer to be final.
Maybe the real win is continuing to ask the question—and being open to where it leads.
2. How to Manage Money Without Stressing Out
Money. The thing everyone needs, nobody talks about openly, and somehow still feels like a test we’re all secretly failing.
I thought by now I’d have it all down—budgets, savings, investments, taxes. I imagined a version of myself with a color-coded spreadsheet and a cushion of cash for rainy days. But in reality? I still flinch when I check my bank account. I still forget to cancel subscriptions. I still feel like I should be doing more.
Yes, I know how to pay bills and make rent, and I’ve picked up a few smart habits. But that ease, that calm confidence I thought I’d have about money by now? Still waiting on that.
Turns out, money management isn’t a one-and-done lesson. It’s a relationship. One you constantly have to learn, re-learn, and adjust as life changes.
3. How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty
Boundaries. We all know we need them. But actually setting them? Saying no to plans, favors, or responsibilities without feeling like you’re disappointing everyone?
Still hard.
I thought I’d be better at this by now. That I’d be able to prioritize my peace without second-guessing myself. That I’d have a script, or at least the confidence to say, “I can’t take that on right now,” without a flood of guilt.
But most times, I still hesitate. I still say yes to things I don’t have the energy for. And afterward, I wonder why I feel burnt out.
The truth is, saying no takes practice. And courage. Especially when you’re used to being the one who shows up for everyone else. But I’m learning—slowly—that saying no isn’t selfish. It’s necessary.
4. How to Make Big Decisions Without Panicking
Should I move? Should I stay? Should I take that job? End this relationship? Start that project?
Big decisions still rattle me. I thought that with more years under my belt, I’d get better at trusting myself. That I’d know what to do, or at least feel less terrified when faced with a fork in the road.
But often, I freeze. I overthink. I look for signs, advice, backup plans—anything that’ll take away the pressure of choosing.
What I’ve learned, though, is this: clarity often comes after the choice, not before. You learn by doing. You figure it out as you go. And sometimes the decision isn’t right or wrong—it’s just the next step.
5. How to Keep in Touch With People I Love
Friendships are harder to maintain than I ever expected. Life gets busy. People move, change, drift. And keeping in touch? It’s not as simple as it used to be.
I thought I’d be the kind of person who always remembered birthdays, scheduled catch-ups, and sent random “thinking of you” texts. But I’ve let things slip. I’ve lost touch with people I never imagined drifting from. And I still feel that sting of guilt when I scroll past someone’s post and realize it’s been months since we talked.
Staying connected takes intention. It’s not about being constantly available—it’s about being present when it matters. I’m learning that now. Trying to do better. But I won’t lie—it’s one of those things I thought would come easier with age. It doesn’t.
6. How to Handle Criticism Without Taking It Personally
I wish I could say I take feedback like a champ. That I nod, reflect, and walk away empowered to improve. But honestly? Sometimes even the tiniest bit of criticism can feel like a personal attack—even when I know it’s not.
Whether it’s work-related, creative, or about something I said or did, I still get that sting. That “oh no, I messed up” feeling. I overanalyze, I replay the words in my head, and I wonder if I’m just not good enough.
I thought by now I’d have thicker skin. That I’d be able to separate my worth from someone’s opinion. But I’m still learning how to take what’s helpful and leave the rest.
What’s slowly helping? Reminding myself that criticism doesn’t mean failure. It means growth. And growth can be uncomfortable—but it’s also a sign that I’m stretching beyond what I used to be.
7. How to Be Consistently Confident
Confidence, I used to think, was something you earned with age. Like, the older you got, the more sure of yourself you became. You’d just…know who you are, and own it.
But the truth? Confidence still comes and goes. Some days I feel unstoppable. Other days I question everything—from how I look to what I said in a meeting to whether I’m living the right life.
Confidence, I’m learning, isn’t a permanent state. It’s a practice. It’s a muscle. And it’s not about never doubting yourself—it’s about moving forward even when you do.
8. How to Rest Without Feeling Lazy
Why is it so hard to just chill?
I thought I’d be better at this. That I’d recognize the value of rest. That I’d allow myself to take a break without that low hum of guilt whispering, “You should be doing something productive.”
But even now, lying on the couch watching TV sometimes feels like failure. Like I’m wasting time. Like I should be doing more, achieving more, hustling harder.
The truth is, rest is productive. It’s fuel. It’s necessary. And I wish I’d learned that sooner. I’m trying to unlearn the belief that busyness equals worth. But it’s a process.
9. How to Stop Comparing Myself to Others
Social media doesn’t help, let’s be real. I scroll and see people traveling, achieving, glowing, building perfect lives in perfect lighting. And even though I know it’s curated—even though I know everyone has their behind-the-scenes mess—I still compare.
I thought I’d be over that by now. That I’d be secure enough in my own path to not measure it against someone else’s highlight reel.
But some days, it sneaks in. That feeling that I’m behind. That I missed something. That I’m not doing enough.
What helps? Stepping back. Taking breaks. Reminding myself that someone else’s timeline has nothing to do with mine. And most importantly—focusing on what I want, not what looks good online.
10. How to Fully Trust That I’m Doing Okay
At the heart of all of this is one truth: I thought I’d feel more sure by now.
More grounded. More certain. Like I had a handle on life.
But what I’ve learned is that nobody really has it all figured out. We’re all just doing the best we can with what we have. And that’s enough.
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is admit what we haven’t figured out. Let go of the pressure to know it all. Embrace the questions. The trying. The growing.
So no, I don’t have it all together. But I’m learning. I’m trying. And maybe that’s exactly what it means to be human.
Ayerhs Magazine 